i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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