Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize