It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
