If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize