Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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