so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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