i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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