What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
