He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
