took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
