I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
