i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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