You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You had me at "let me see your balls"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
