Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
