You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
