took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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