somebody snuck up and got me drunk
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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