he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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