I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
