I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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