He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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