matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize