My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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