I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
