Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
