Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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