Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize