I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
