i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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