dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize