When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My vagina is officially offended.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
