I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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