May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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