So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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