Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
