listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We are all done wearing pants today
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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