He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
