definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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