Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
