Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
