Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
