i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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