I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The power of my boobs compel you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
