Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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