They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I supernannyed him into submission
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
