Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
