I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
