He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
