Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
