It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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