have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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