i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
