Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize