So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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