It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
