I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize