I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
