Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
