i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
