was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
