i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
