i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
