i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Found the puke drawer
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize