i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
