I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
